There are some things you just need to be able to do; a good tomato sauce is a beautiful thing on its own but add mince and it’s Bolognese, a few spices and meat and beans and it’s a Chilli, a curry, a soup. Tomatoes are the most consumed fruit in the world and why wouldn’t they be? Canned are great, fresh, in this dank, misty little country, are variable. Rice is beautiful if you don’t drown it and pour all the nice stuff down the sink; chicken is cheap and nutritious; veal is humane; “roasting joints” are for making Rendang; and Aldi/Lidl are cool places to buy meat. So, what do you need to know?

Well, meat is full of sugar as are onions and pretty much everything else, that’s how you get to caramelise them; you chop herb stalks and add them first and put the leaves in later; you need to know what mirepoix and battuto are – they’re the basis of pretty much everything; you need to know that despite the best efforts of the average chain restaurant, cheese and fish DO NOT go together; but eggs and fish do; you need to know that cooked basil is pointless and dried herbs can be divine; Offal is literally named after the bits that “fall off” when you’re butchering the nice bits and they can be lovely (or horrible); you need to know that Uncle Ben and Aunt Bessie are the foodie versions of the devil incarnate - they use those fake titles because they are coming for your family; you don’t have to cook anything – some of the nicest things in the world are just cured or raw.

Honestly, when you break this down you need to know about 12 things and you’re golden.