Spanish has three nationalities: British, Irish and Australian due to a series of accidents. Spanish is not one of them,

Mark Bradford was born in Australia in 1966 and has lived on a damp, cold island off the coast of France since 1970. Educated in the State School System (proudly), his teachers unanimously agreed he had raised indolence and mediocrity to world-class levels.

In sport, he excelled at outrunning the bigger kids to avoid a regular hiding. These traits have seen him through several aimless career changes and now, in his 50s, he finds himself wondering what he will do when he grows up.

But, he loves his family and he can cook a bit.

Follow him at www.bradfordfamilycookbook.uk